


i didn't know

by ethereal_dejavu



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, best girl jinsol, like is frustraiting, super oblivious haseul, with Jiwoo and Sooyoung as their friends that want them together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 14:58:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20677292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethereal_dejavu/pseuds/ethereal_dejavu
Summary: College au with a very in love Haseul that doesn't realize her love isn't one-sided, despite the many clues Jinsol gives her.





	i didn't know

**Author's Note:**

> english isnt my first language and i really wanted to post it so i didnt proof read, sorry if there are any big mistakes

"I'm bored let's do something, let’s go somewhere," she said as soon as class was done, this was the last one for the day and she felt surprisingly energetic for someone that had to wake up at 7 am.

"I can't" it came from Jiwoo who was looking at her phone, probably talking with that girl she met last week again. 

"me neither I'm sorry" Sooyoung actually still had class so she wouldn't blame her, she looked at Jinsol that was looking as beautiful as ever on her light pink hoodie that she loved so much, she gave her a smile when she saw her looking at her and that was enough for Haseul to melt under her stare. 

"let me get my stuff at my dorm and we'll go wherever you want"

The butterflies on her tummy went wild at her words and the prospect of probably spending the entire afternoon with her. 

Jinsol was the first girl she met, college had this welcoming event that she didn't want to go but since she wanted to have a familiar face to when classes officially started (her roommate was nowhere to be found yet) she decided to go anyway, she think she couldn't have gotten luckier cause they were both friendless and a little shy in the middle of so many new people so they somehow gravitated towards each other, (even then Haseul felt this connection but decided it didn’t mean anything) talking was relatively easy despite the fact that Jinsol was the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen, she was basically an angel, blonde hair, relatively tall, soft-spoken and so fucking pretty, she would be lying if she said she didn't have a crush that very same day.

What she didn't expect was for that crush to grow bigger every day as they got closer.

They walked side by side to Jinsol's dorm, she wanted to hold her hand so badly but she didn't have the guts to do so, she would never make a move since she wasn't sure of the girl's sexuality, besides if Jinsol liked her she should do something since Haseul was out to everyone. She was also too insecure to think about the glances she got sometimes and just convinced herself they were just very close friends. 

They made it to Jinsol's dorm in silence and she sat on her bed while waiting for the girl to get ready, she watched her walk side by side to get her wallet and put on a little makeup, she loved how domestic it felt. 

"ok let's go" she finally was ready and they left talking about how their day had been so far. 

They’ve been just wondering around the mall for hours, going to different stores without buying anything just seeing things and wandering around, she was watching some pens she’s been dying to buy and Jinsol was just beside her, a little too close that made her lose focus since she could feel her own heart on her ears, she could feel Jinsol’s eyes on her and she hoped she didn't look as nervous as she was, she contemplated on what to do for a couple of seconds and decided to look at the girl, she had that look on her, the one she couldn’t decipher, she always thought she was good at looking at people but she had never had anyone look at her the way Jinsol was looking at her and as much as she wanted to mean something she couldn't be sure. 

“those are the pens you want right?” 

“Yeah, but they're so expensive I don't think I'll get them” 

Jinsol just hummed and took the pens from her hands looking at them, there’s was a determined look on her face, making her look extremely pretty. She ended up leaving them on the shelf. 

“maybe you should stop spending all your money on your sister,” she said smiling, tilting her head to the exit so they could go somewhere, she pouted at that and she thinks she saw Jinsol’s eyes taking a glance at her lips but maybe she was hallucinating. 

It was moments like these that confused her so much, she’s never dated before and the only super close friend she had stopped talking to her once she realized she was gay for real and not just playing around so she wasn't sure if their interactions were romantic or platonic. 

It took her a second to get back to herself and follow Jinsol, they started walking without a route again until they came across a candy store. 

Jinsol looked at her and she smiled at the way her eyes shone at the idea of buying candy, Jinsol had a slight obsession with candy and she bought some whenever they encountered a candy store, she swore she still was a kid at heart, it was one of the things she loved the most about the girl, how excited she got about certain things like candy, fishes and math sometimes. 

“I don't know how you don't have cavities with all the candy you eat” 

She let Jinsol lead her to the store and she watched her as she went all around trying to get her favorite candy without missing any, it was mad dumb how into this girl she was that she found everything she did endearing. 

They sat at a bench just outside the store, once again a little too close for Haseul’s heart to handle it. Jinsol offered her some gummy worms for her to eat but she kind of couldn't stop thinking about how sweet Jinsol’s lips must taste right now. 

“I'm tired,” she said, leaning on her shoulder, Jinsol was quite the touchy person, always liking arms, or hugging out of nowhere, she loved it but it also made her nervous cause she never initiated skin ship due to her fear of being seen as predatory, she knew Jinsol didn't think that but high school trauma is always hard to get over. She appreciates it though, she might not initiate it but she most definitely welcomed it, always feeling butterflies in her stomach whenever she did it. 

“let’s go then,” 

They walked back slowly, Haseul telling the latest news from her little sister and how she had somehow started a movement on recess about the length of it and had all her classmates following her. 

“were you that revolutionary when you were little?” she asked laughing at Yeojin’s antics. 

“I was a nerd when I was younger” 

“you still are though” 

She just rolled her eyes at Jinsol smiling softly at her. 

“I bet you were the cutest, you have to show me pictures when I go to your house next time”

“I don't think so” she tried to fight the blush that threatened to appear at Jinsol’s word but it was a lost fight since she had no control over her reactions whenever she was around the girl. 

She doesn't know how they made it to their dorms but she knew she didn't want to go yet, she always enjoyed her time with Jinsol but today had been especially nice, it had been weeks since the two of them had hung out by themselves and she didn't realize how much she missed it till now. 

“you want to stay for a while and what Brooklyn Nine-Nine?” 

can I stay forever? is what she wanted to ask. 

“sure” is what she ended up saying. 

___

Haseul swears her friends know she’s into Jinsol and that's why they keep canceling on her. She asked them to study together but apparently both Jiwoo and Sooyoung had plans, which she's pretty sure is a lie the case is that somehow, she and Jinsol ended up by themselves in their college library trying to study together. 

It’s not that she got distracted with Jinsol's cute furrowed eyebrow whenever she didn't understand anything or that she went crazy whenever she got close to her to explain something or to show her how to do an exercise. It’s just that she hasn't been able to stop thinking about the way she looked at her the other day and at this point, she’s no longer sure if it really happened or if it was her just imagining things, not like that had ever happened. 

"I don't want to study" 

"I know, that's why I'm here, if you can concentrate for long enough, we'll go watch a movie when we're done and eat something" 

It’s almost like Jinsol knows she’s weak for her cause that’s exactly the kind of incentive she needs to actually try to focus on what’s in front of her. 

They mostly studied in silence until she got to an exercise, she could not understand for the life of her. 

“I don't get this, I give up” 

“ahh c’mon Seulie we can't have that” 

She’s not going to lie she started panicking a little when she saw Jinsol get as close as she could to see what she was doing, putting her arm on the back of her chair and taking the pencil from her hands, Haseul could smell her perfume and the only thing she could think about was hugging her and hiding her head on her neck for as long as possible. 

“here, you’re doing this wrong” she tried to concentrate but Jinsol’s profile was even prettier this close. “you’re using the wrong formula, in this case you have to use-” she felt her breath get caught when Jinsol looked at her and she immediately sopped staring blushing furiously, she didn’t see the smirk on Jinsol’s face and instead focused on the sheet of paper in front of her. 

“so, the other formula, I got it” 

She ended up doing the exercise again and after probably thirty minutes she stopped studying and instead started playing on her phone and bothering Jinsol, she took a quick picture of her and smiled at herself at how photogenic the girl was. 

“you’re not going to study anymore are you?” Jinsol asked putting down her pen and looking at her. 

“we already did enough, we can continue later but I want a break” she pouted trying to convince Jinsol, it looked like it worked cause Jinsol took some cookies she had on her backpack and left them on the table for the both of them to eat. 

“When did you figure out you were gay?” Jinsol asked out of nowhere, she was beyond shocked since they’ve never talked about the fact that she was gay, she came out soon after they met each other but Haseul never talked about crushes or finding anyone attractive, not like Sooyoung and Jiwoo did so she didn’t expect Jinsol to ask her that. 

“I think I was eleven? Maybe twelve I’m not sure, between freshman and sophomore year of high school” 

Jinsol was quiet for a while eating her cookies, she seemed to be deep in thought and Haseul thought the best was for her to wait until she says anything again if she was going to do it. 

“how did you know?” she’s never seen Jinsol this shy, she wasn’t making eye contact and was instead playing with her pen between her fingers, Haseul had an idea of where this was going to but she didn’t want to get her hopes up, besides even if Jinsol was non straight that didn’t mean she was ever going to be into her of all people. 

“oh my best friend at that time said she thought gay people were disgusting” she could see Jinsol’s confused face and it made her laugh a little since it was a weird story ”and my first reaction was being sad about how I wouldn’t be able to date her” 

“wait what?” 

She full-on laughed now making Jinsol smile and be a little more relaxed “I know, I didn’t know before that that I even wanted to date her but I was so sad that I didn’t have a chance, I obviously didn’t tell her that and I kind of suppressed that memory for a long time” 

“you’re really weird sometimes you know?” 

“yeah” 

“what happened after that, were you still friends with her?” 

“for a while, I blocked out the fact that she was homophobic and kind of fell in love with her I even told her I liked her and she humored me for a while until she realized I was being for real and was super gay she stopped talking to me then cause she obviously thought I was disgusting, I still pined after her for a while cause I was dumb” 

Jinsol was quiet once again and it scared her a little now, maybe she shouldn’t have shared that much. 

“I think I like girls” she said quietly, it was barely audible and had Haseul not been paying all her attention to her she wouldn’t have heard it but she did and while a part of her was celebrating over the fact that she might have even the slightest chance with her she knew right now it was about Jinsol and how she was opening up to her on a very serious and scary topic and right now she needed to be her friend and not the girl that was crazy about her. 

She knew the girl still had more to say so she put her hand on hers and gave her a little squeeze to let her know that she was listening and that she had all the time in the world. 

“I never liked boys and I never wanted to like girls cause my mom said all the time that it was wrong and that gay people were basically the worst thing to happen and you know all the stuff people say sometimes and I knew I didn’t agree with it and I was ok with gay people but I wasn’t gay I couldn’t be. The first time I thought about it was when I had to tutor a girl on my junior year and I was obsessed with her, I always wanted to see her and I let her do whatever she wanted just following her around but I wasn’t gay you know I couldn’t be gay” 

She paused for a few seconds, probably gathering her thoughts, Haseul was facing her now she wanted Jinsol to feel comfortable and to be as open as possible since it seemed like this was something that had been in her mind for a while. 

“when I met you, you were so open about liking girls but in a different way than Sooyoung and Jiwoo are they always talk about their crushes, you, however never mention when you like someone but you talk about wanting a wife I don’t think you’ve ever said that you like someone but you always talk about your future girlfriend and how much you want to have a family and kids and I don’t know it made me think about how I also want that, but I can’t imagine being with a boy at all” 

She wasn’t sure if there was anything, she could say right now so for the first time in forever she decided to hug Jinsol, she could feel the relief on her body and she kind of wanted to cry. 

“Sooyoung is going to be an asshole about this when she finds out” Jinsol furrowed her eyebrows in that cute way that always made her smile why did she have to be so cute, “she said there was no way you were straight the first week we met” 

Jinsol just laughed and so did she, she didn’t say it but she was so proud of her since it was never easy coming out.

“so, do you like anyone right now?” she was afraid to ask that but she couldn’t help it, she wasn’t sure why she asked since there wasn’t an answer that wasn’t going to make her sad but she knew how much it meant to show interest on someone’s love life when they came out, it was an incredible feeling being able to freely talk about liking girls and she wanted Jinsol to experience that even if it meant having to hear her talk about another girl. 

“yeah I think I do” she couldn’t help but find her cute being shy about the girl she liked, it was a mixture of shyness and giddiness that looked beautiful on her and she knew that whoever girl ended up dating her was going to the luckiest girl in the world. 

___

Sooyoung had been very annoying about Jinsol being gay and how she was never wrong and had an impeccable gaydar that never failed. She could see how happy and free Jinsol was now and it made her happy, she thought about trying to get over her but she knew there was no way that was happening any time soon. 

It was Friday already and they were on their way to buy things to cook. They always, or almost always, went to Sooyoung’s apartment on Fridays and would either cook or order something and just watch movies or play games or just talk, it was a nice way to destress after the week and it was one of Haseul’s favorite moments. 

They decided they were going to cook today, Jiwoo insisted on trying on a new recipe she saw, Sooyoung decided they should buy something already done in case, just in case things went south. 

They were assigned vegetable duty while Jiwoo and Sooyoung did the meat, Jinsol decided to put music while they worked. 

They were both very concentrated on their tasks until Jinsol got bored and stood up to change the music, leaving Haseul to do most of the work while she just played around singing and dancing to the music, but honestly, she didn’t care, Jinsol looked so carefree she’d let her do all the work if it meant getting to see her like this. 

She was almost done with everything when Jinsol’s eyes went wide at the song that was playing, she got closer to her and she knew what she was thinking so she just let Jinsol guide her to the living room where she started to sing loudly while jumping around, forcing Haseul to do the same, she laughed out loud at Jinsol’s exaggerated singing and joined her jumping to the music. 

She felt warm everywhere, her cheeks, her hands that were currently being held by what was most probably the love of her life and most importantly her heart, she might never get to date Jinsol but she had this and maybe this was enough. 

When the song ended both of them were out of breath due to all the jumping and signing and she never felt this happy, Jinsol was glowing and her heart was out of control. She wasn’t ready for Jinsol to move her hair out of her face as softly as she did, she was frozen in place watching Jinsol look at her with that thing in her eyes that she still didn’t understand what it meant as she put her hair behind her ears. 

“You have a pretty smile did you know?” Jinsol said still holding her face in her hands and Haseul could die right there and then and die happy. 

Their little moment was broken due to Sooyoung’s voice saying they were ready and they needed to set the table.

They spent the afternoon talking about everything they could think of, Jiwoo talked about the girl she was seeing and how amazing she was and how she wanted to introduce her soon because she knew everyone would love her. Jiwoo always crushed fast but this was the first time she was actually seeing and pursuing someone, it was new and they all could see how happy she was. Haseul couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, she glanced at Jinsol while Jiwoo talked and looked away as soon as she noticed that the girl was already looking at her. 

Everything was going well until Sooyoung decided it was a good idea to ask Jinsol which type of girls she liked, she saw the way Sooyoung looked at her and she knows she did it on purpose, that bitch, she’ll have to get her somehow for this. 

“Ummm” Jinsol looked at her for a second before going back to staring at Sooyoung “I don’t know someone that cares, that pays attention, I think I like dorkier girls you know the kind you can just fool around with, be dumb and be yourself”

“that’s so cute, I knew you were a romantic at heart,” Jiwoo said making Jinsol blush, how Haseul wanted to be the one making her blush. 

“I guess" she answered shyly. 

"so must like someone right? you never told us" she was going to kill Sooyoung, she knew she couldn't handle whatever answer Jinsol gave, she already had to listen to her say she liked someone so she didn't want to hear it again. 

"I'm going to the bathroom be right back" yes that was smart, by the time she would be back she's sure they would be talking about something else. 

She didn't look at anyone and just went straight to the bathroom, once there she decided to splash some water on her face in order to calm down a little, thinking again about Jinsol calling her pretty, well she called her smile pretty but still, it counted. After a couple of minutes, she gained course and made her way back, only to hear something that absolutely broke her heart. 

"she's so beautiful and incredibly nice and attentive I think I'm falling in love"

She's never seen that look on her face, she looked so in love, like whoever this girl was she put the stars in the sky and could walk on water. 

Of course, Jinsol was already in love with someone else, she knew that she was imagining things and there was nothing going on between them.

She didn't say anything and just sat down trying to not looks as sad as she felt, she saw Jinsol tilt her head when she looked at her silently asking her if there was something wrong, she just shook her head to tell her it was nothing. 

She tried forgetting about it so she could enjoy the rest of the night but there was no use. They were watching a show cringing at certain scenes and laughing at how ridiculous it was at times, Jinsol was next to her while Jiwoo and Sooyoung were on the other sofa. 

"are you ok?" she was looking at her while she asked and Haseul didn't know what to answer. 

"I don't know" she wasn't exactly lying. 

"is almost eleven" she said looking at her phone and then at her with a concerned look on her face "do you wanna go to sleep?" 

"is early still" 

"they won't mind if you're not feeling well, I can make you tea if you want and keep you company" 

Why did she have to be so perfect, she wanted to cry. Is not her fault she fell in love with her when she was like this, it was inevitable to not swoon at her actions. 

"ok sure"

Jinsol finally stopped staring at her and she felt like she could take a breather now "Haseul wants to go to bed, I'll keep her company since she doesn't feel well" 

Haseul got ready for bed, it was good that Sooyoung's apartment had two bedrooms cause it was perfect for their sleepover, since they were all close they would sleep with whoever each week but lately she's been going to bed with Jinsol the most, she's pretty sure her friends are behind that but she can't complain since Jinsol's cuddles were probably the best thing in the world. 

She was already in bed checking her phone when Jinsol came back with two cups of tea. 

"here I made it just the way you liked it" 

"thanks"

Jinsol changed clothes and got in bed too, they were both sitting with their backs on the headboard drinking their tea in silence. 

"why are you sad? did something happen?" 

She's not sure how Jinsol knew she was sad, she thought she was good, or at least decent, at hiding when she was sad but apparently that wasn't true. 

"I'm not sure" she couldn't tell her the truth and that she was a bit heartbroken because Jinsol was in love with someone while she was in love with Jinsol. 

Jinsol didn't punch it further and instead held her close to offer comfort. Haseul hid her face on the girl's neck and took a deep breath. She was going to enjoy Jinsol's company for now knowing that she was going to be around less once she had a girlfriend and she probably wouldn't be able to cuddle her the way she was doing right now. 

___

Haseul thought that after finding out that Jinsol was into someone else that she would try to put some space in between but she did exactly the opposite she wanted to fully enjoy their time left together before Jinsol started dating. She knew it sounded weird but it made sense to her. 

Exam season was near which meant that they spent a lot of time at the library, either the four of them or different combinations of them. She always had someone to study with which was very needed since she got distracted a lot when she was by herself. 

Jinsol helps her the most and she enjoys their study sessions the most, having Jinsol close was intoxicated and she was becoming an addict, sometimes going as far as pretending she didn't understand something just so Jinsol would get close to her and explain it in her sweet, soft voice. 

It was just after their main exams were done that Jinsol fell ill, she's sure it was all the stress and sleepless nights getting to her now that she could relax, kind of like when you work all day and as soon as you leave your feet start to hurt. 

She had the flu, and Jinsol was so stubborn that she even went to class being a mess, Haseul and Jiwoo send her to her dorm as soon as they saw her and Haseul went to buy everything needed to take care of her. Since Jinsol always took care of Haseul whenever she could it was time for her to take care of the sick girl, especially if it meant skipping class to spend the morning with her favorite girl. 

Jinsol was so stubborn when she was sick it was so annoying but also really cute, she whined like a kid at having to take medicine so Haseul also got her soup, chamomile tea and yogurt she wasn't sure if chamomile tea did anything for the flu but Jinsol loved it so she got it anyway. 

When she got to Jinsol's dorm she was not surprised to find that the blonde wasn't on the bed like she told her to but was instead walking around looking for something. 

"what are you doing?" 

Jinsol smiled surprised "there you are I was looking for you" 

"You were looking for me?" Jinsol nodded getting closer to her "on the closet?"

"yeah"

She decided she wasn't going to ask and instead checked Jinsol's forehead only to find that she most definitely had a fever. 

"go to bed I'll take care of everything" 

Jinsol did that thing with her eyebrows she always did and put her hands on Haseul's waist.

"you're going to take care of me?" she asked tilting her head to one side, Haseul couldn't stand how cute she looked. 

"yeah"

"maybe I should get sick more often then" 

"just go to bed please" 

Once Jinsol was in bed she started getting everything ready, she got a glass of water and medicine and gave it to Jinsol so she would feel better, she also got a wet cloth for her forehead so her fever would go down. 

Sick Jinsol was the most stubborn version of herself as soon as she took her medicine she was on the mini kitchen her dorm watching Haseul.

“what are you doing I told you to go to bed, you have to rest” 

“I want you with me?” she pouted looking extremely cute. Haseul wanted nothing more than to kiss her pout away.

“I’ll be right there”

“I’ll wait for you here”

“you’re a big baby when you get sick did you know”

She saw Jinsol nodded without any shame whatsoever. “that’s why I need cuddles from my favorite girl”

Haseul wasn’t sure what to make of that comment and decided to do the safe thing and blame in on the fever.

“do you want tea or soup?”

“I want you” God was Jinsol making things more difficult than they needed to be, she couldn’t help but love being wanted by her but she knew she didn’t mean it.

“I told you I’ll be there as soon as possible, why don’t you look for something for us to watch, we can watch that documentary you wanted to start”

Jinsol’s eyes went wide due to the excitement “ok” it seemed like that was all she needed to say to get the girl back on her bed. The tea was ready and the soup was almost there too, she decided she would also have a tea, but a normal one since she absolutely hated chamomile tea.

“when she went to Jinsol’s bed she had the tv on the nature documentary she wanted to watch but hadn’t started, most likely waiting for Haseul to join her. It was cute, how even then she thought of Haseul and wait4ed for her it made her feel on top of the world.

They sat side by side and Jinsol took her soup while commenting on the show they were watching, Haseul had to fight the urge to just watch Jinsol instead of the tv since her expressions were far more interesting to her.

Jinsol fell asleep half an hour into the documentary and Haseul was trying to decide if she should stay of leave, she was going to stand up when she felt Jinsol’s arm on her waist keeping her in place and she barely heard her say “stay with me” she didn’t need to hear anything else, if Jinsol wanted her to stay by her side that’s what she was going to do.

By the time Jinsol was completely healthy again she was apologizing about how clingy she got while sick, Haseul couldn’t help but feel sad over the fact that it seemed like Jinsol blamed everything she did on her fever meaning she probably didn’t mean anything she said.

___

Haseul didn’t live with her mom since she was dorming in college but she would go almost every week to her house to spend time with her little sister since her mom had to work she had to take care of her at times. 

She never hated taking care of her sister since she was everything to Haseul but it could get inconvenient sometimes like right now when Jinsol had invited her to talk around town trying out different kinds of smoothies? she's not sure but she knew she couldn't go.

"I have to take care of my sister today," she said apologetic, she really wanted to spend time with Jinsol but her sister was her priority.

"can't she join us?"

_ wait what _

"what?"

"yeah, is been a while since I've seen Yeojin, I'm sure she'd love to help us" 

How, how could Jinsol still surprise her being the most perfect girl in the world, she never mentioned her sister cause not everyone liked spending time with kids and Jinsol had only met her a couple of times for no longer than five minutes yet here she was, including her on her plans. She felt like a single mother that finally found someone that not only didn't mind her kid but also wanted to get to know her, she knew she was being over the top but she didn't care.

"You really want her to join us?"

"of course"

They went together to pick up Yeojin who was more than excited to join them on their little adventure.

“hey, bean how was school?” Haseul asked after they've said hi to each other.

“ok, the teacher still doesn't want to give us longer recess despite my very compelling arguments.

"I heard about that they were we compelling" Jinsol said to Yeojin, making her smile widely.

"she says that is out of her control but that's just bullshit"

"Yeojin!"

They spend the entire afternoon going between different places that sold smoothies with some snack breaks in between, Yeojin was more than happy and so was Haseul she could see Jinsol and her sister getting along. She was often the victim of their jokes but seeing how well they got along she didn't have it in herself to care.

It seemed like Yeojin had made Jinsol be more free joking, singing and dancing around with her Haseul knows that if she wasn't in love with her before she sure as hell was now. 

It was like seeing Jinsol in a different light, warmer light, she couldn't help but fantasize about a future where she and Jinsol would go on little adventures with their kids. She wasn't sure how to feel about that considering how she knew it would never go beyond a fantasy.

By six pm both girls, Jinsol and Yeojin were so tired they ended up lying on the grass on a nearby park. Watching the clouds and trying to discover different figured in them, Haseul hasn't stopped smiling since they started and she's sure her cheeks should hurt by now.

"look that looks like Haseul," Yeojin said pointing at a weirdly shaped cloud.

"how can that look like me" 

"How can you not see it Seulie, come maybe you should lie down with us" she knew that was dangerous but she was so high in happiness she didn't care. 

She got closer to both girls and Jinsol tapped the ground next to see so she would lie down there, she out some distance between them as she laid down but Jinsol insisted that she had to be closer otherwise she wouldn't see.

Once on the ground, she saw looking at the sky with two different hands trying to point how that, still weirdly shaped cloud, looked like her.

"there's your eyes, your hair and you're even singing, that's the mic," Yeojin said like it was the most obvious thing in the world and she was just confused. 

"I don't see how that's…" She made the mistake of looking to her side only to find Jinsol looking at her like _ that _again and she felt her tummy going wild.

Jinsol looked up again at the cloud "well is very easy to see look" she got impossible close to her so close she couldn't concentrate on anything else but the beating of her heart "there" she said with her face right beside Haseul's pointing at the sky "you see how fluffy it is, how is protecting everyone from the sun, how it looks so perfect on the sky making people like us so happy just for being able to see it" 

God what was Jinsol doing, she couldn't do this to her poor heart, she couldn't handle it she was barely breathing feeling too flustered. 

"It is beautiful…" Jinsol said now looking at her, she wondered if she could see the love she felt right this second, she wondered how she felt about it, did she pity her, did she enjoy feeling the power she had over her, did she even know what she was feeling "just like you"

"Nah, it just looks like it has a mic"

Yeojin said getting up, she doesn't know if she's aware of what she interrupted but she couldn't say she wasn't grateful cause she's not sure what she would've done had Yeojin not say anything.

They went to taste their last smoothie after that, Haseul being unable to meet Jinsol's eyes without blushing till the tip of her ears. Yeojin carried most of the conversation for them, something Haseul was so grateful for since she didn't know if she could talk like a functional human being without stuttering under Jinsol's stare.

Later when she had dropped Yeojin home she asked her very excited if she was going to date Jinsol and she didn't have the heart to say now so the only thing she could do was say "hopefully".

It was one of the most fun afternoons she'd ever had. That was becoming quite common nowadays thanks to Jinsol. 

Later that night Haseul couldn't sleep, it was barely past midnight and her roommate wouldn't be home today and she couldn't fall asleep. She wanted to call Jinsol but was scared it would come out too clingy since they basically spent the whole day together, It's not her fault that she couldn't get enough of her, it was Jinsol's fault for being the way she is.

She wondered if the girl was sleep, it was an option and she didn't want to wake her up in case that was the case. She opted for a text to know whether it was ok to call or not. 

_ are you up? _she finally sent after contemplating for a few minutes.

_ why, you wanna Netflix and chill? _Jinsol replied almost immediately making her blush, even through text she was always making her blush.

_ is your roommate around? _

_ no, why? _

She didn't answer and instead called her number. Jinsol picked up immediately

_ "are you in trouble do I need to get you out of jail," _ Jinsol said immediately she sounded fully awake which was good cause she really didn't want to bother her.

"Good to know you'll be willing to do that"

_ "of course, you're my friend" _ is not that she hated the word friend, she was Jinsol's friend first but she wanted more than that.

"were you asleep" 

Haseul knew the answer but still had to ask.

_ "no, I couldn't sleep, I was thinking of calling you but you beat me to it" _ she thinks she can hear Jinsol's smile but that was dumb.

"thank you for today"

_ "what are you talking about" _

"just that no everyone would willingly spend time with a kid"

_ "Yeojin is not just a kid, she's your sister" _

"still"

There was a little silence, not an uncomfortable one but rather cautious is like both of them wanted to say something but weren't sure if they should.

Haseul ended being the first to talk again "Sooyoung's birthday is coming up"

_ "so is mine" _

"we're talking about Soo now" 

_ "I'm hurt" _

"don't be dramatic your turn will come soon"

They both laughed softly, Haseul was never fond of phone calls but talking with Jinsol always felt nice and right so she wouldn't mind talking of the phone as long as it was with her.

"as I was saying before getting rudely interrupted, Sooyoung's birthday is soon, do you want to go shopping tomorrow" she felt so nervous which was dumb because she wasn't asking her out on a date it was just going shopping.

_ "I made plans with Jiwoo so it'll be the three of us!" _

The three of them, that was ok is not like she wanted to spend more time with Jinsol and Jinsol only. Not at all. Is also not that she didn't like spending time with Jiwoo is just that lately she's been mocking her for everything related to Jinsol and she knows tomorrow won't be an exception, especially when Jinsol has been extra attentive and lovely lately she knew everyone could see how utterly in love she was and she didn't really mind.

"great"

_ "I really had fun today" _

"me too" she had more than fun.

There was silence once again but this time she waited for Jinsol knowing there was something she wanted to say she rather patiently wait for her instead.

_ "I want to tell my mom" _

"oh" she was scared for what Jinsol told her she probably wouldn't be happy about it. "how do you think it'll go"

_ "bad" _

Yeah, she also thought the same.

_ "I want to get a job first, in case she cuts all ties you know, I need to be ready" _

"tell me how I can help"

_ "you're already helping" _

They talked for hours about what kind of jobs she could get and how Sooyoung offered her the spare room, they also talked about classes and Yeojin's weird plan.

Haseul had been scared things would be awkward after the little moment they had but it seemed like no matter what happened that would never be the case for them.

___

The more she thought about it the more she was convinced that she wasn't imagining things and there was something between them, despite the fact that the ever so insecure side of her refused to believe anyone would ever be interested in her, she know strongly believed that there was something, she still wasn't going to do anything about it but enjoy the feeling before heartbreak came. 

Jinsol seemed nervous when they meet up, barely making eye contact and staying mostly quiet. 

"it's Jiwoo late again?"

She just nodded instead of saying it.

"I got you something" that got her attention, maybe that's why Jinsol was so nervous.

She slowly opened her bad a took a neatly wrapped present. Haseul took it carefully not wanting to mess it up.

"why is this for?" she asked opening the present.

Jinsol didn't say anything and instead of waiting patiently till she opened it and saw what it was.

It was the pens she saw the other day that she wanted so much, she knew it wasn't that big of a deal but the fact that Jinsol remembered it and actually went to buy them, she wanted to kiss her so badly but instead went in for a hug.

She put her hands around Jinsol's waist and her head on her shoulders, wanting to somehow let her know how much she appreciated her, how much she loved her and how grateful she was of having her around, she knew it was too much to ask for a hug but it was the only thing she could do right now.

"do really didn't have to," she said letting the girl go but still staying a little closer to her than expected, she wanted her around, she never wanted to let her go.

"You liked them, you were so excited when you found them I guess I wanted to see you like that again" 

She still doesn't understand why exactly is Jinsol this way with her, what did she do to deserve such angel. Haseul swore right there and then that she would do everything in her power to make Jinsol happy the way she always makes her happy. 

She felt her phone vibrate and they both went back to the real world, realizing how close they were they both blushed and Haseul thought that maybe she wasn't alone in this feeling but then again maybe that was just wishful thinking since Jinsol had said she was already in love with someone.

Haseul checked her phone "Jiwoo says she's here"

They looked around trying to find their friend "there, let's go" 

They were walking side by side and the urge to hold Jinsol's hand was there again, she looked down and saw how close they were it wouldn't take anything for her to hold her hand and intertwine their fingers.

Jiwoo made most of the conversation for the first part, she already knew what to buy so she guided them to the store. Once that was done it was time for Jinsol and Haseul to think what they would be buying, they entered a lot of stores trying to come up with something and Haseul did, in fact, ended buying a good present meaning only Jinsol was left. Jinsol, however, insisted on going to every single toy section of the store, playing around with them, making both her and Jiwoo play with her too.

They were at the superheroes section and Jinsol grabbed a Captain America mask and made silly poses making both of them laugh, Haseul loved this playful part of Jinsol so much so she had no choice but to indulge her in her silliness, taking another mask she also made a pose while Jiwoo unknowingly to them record them. They played with little figured they had and the toy cars. 

Haseul was happy, just playing around with Jinsol and Jiwoo of course, whom instead of playing insisted on having her pictures taken with different stuffed animals. 

"I should be a superhero for Halloween, what do you think," Jinsol said as they were finally exiting the store.

"you'd look hot" that was Jiwoo commenting while making sure she looked at Haseul "right Haseul?"

"Ummm yeah you'd look good" Jiwoo just laughed at her while Jinsol smiled softly. She couldn't be imagining Jinsol on a superhero suit now, she knew she'd look too attractive for her to handle it.

"do you know what you're getting Sooyoung?" Haseul asked.

"oh I already have her present" 

Both girls were surprised but also this was just something the girl would do. "let's have ice cream now" 

They bought ice cream for them to share and talked about classes and Jiwoo's girl and how she was going to ask her to be her girlfriend, Jinsol squealed excitedly at that and Haseul felt jealous once again, she no longer wished for a girlfriend she now wished for Jinsol, always Jinsol. 

By the time they were done it was dark outside and a lot colder than when they got there, so they stood just in front of the exit door to put on warmer clothes. 

She was going to put her scarf when Jinsol took it out of her hands getting closer to her, she put the scarf behind her neck and fixed it neatly, Haseul was frozen in place just letting the girl do whatever she wanted, she looked at Jiwoo instead of Jinsol (she was too close to her she couldn't look at her directly) and she was just smirking at her like she knew something no one else did. 

"there, all ready so you won't get sick" 

"what about you, did you bring anything?" the just shook her head and she frowned "you were sick just the other day" she scolded while going through her purse looking for another scarf.

"I'm lucky I have you then," she said smiling as she took the scarf from Haseul's hands and put it on all messily. Haseul is not sure what took over her but she got closer to the girl again and slowly fixed it for her, ignoring the way she felt Jinsol's eyes on her. 

"if you guys are done I want to go home already"

Jiwoo broke their little bubble and they all finally left parting ways once they reached their dorms.

___

Sooyoung's birthday was nice, they all went bowling and had a lot of fun she's been a little too focused on Jinsol lately that she had missed spending time with all her friends so the birthday was the perfect occasion for that.

However, having Sooyoung's birthday out of the way meant it was Jinsol's turn and she had the perfect gift for her.

Jinsol told her a while ago that she wanted to get back to her childhood hobby of assembling Gundam figures, apparently, she loved doing it during high school and had stopped once she was in college.

So Haseul decided that was the perfect birthday present, she's been saving money for a while cause little toys were not cheap and she had managed to buy two of them, she had made sure she didn't have them already when she asked Jinsol to show her what they were. The girl had a lot of them and had pictures of every single one, it was hard remembering each one but she had done it.

There were still a lot of days till Jinsol's birthday but for some reason, she was super excited, she really wanted to see her face when she gave her the presents and was about to give them to her before the day a lot of times. 

Jinsol wanted a small get together with just food and movies she wasn't feeling too well since she had recently told her mom about being gay and was basically thrown out of her house, job hunting was not going well so she decided they were doing something small since she wasn't really in the mood for anything else.

It broke her heart seeing Jinsol so down sometimes, she had her days of course where she was her usual self but other days she kept mostly to herself barely letting Haseul in when it got too much and she just wanted cuddles. 

She wanted so badly for her to just forget about her mom cause she didn't deserve the angel that was Jinsol but she knew it took time and all she could do was be there for the girl. 

Jinsol started getting excited about her birthday a week before the day she had gone back to her happy self and decided her mom wasn't worth it and that she only needed people that loved her for herself by her side, she was so proud of her she made her her own little party cooking her her favorite dish and watching that documentary she loved so much.

"thank you," Jinsol said between bites, they were on Jinsol's dorm, she had asked her roommate to stay out till the night just so she could do this little thing for Jinsol and it seemed like it worked cause the girl was cheerier now.

"what for?" 

"being there for me, this, everything basically"

"we're friends aren't we" she didn't see the expression on Jinsol's face because she was too busy trying not to be sad at her own words.

"what are you getting me for my birthday?" 

She silently thanked Jinsol for changing the subject, feeling a lot more relaxed than just a second before "is a secret, you'll love it tho"

"I'm sure I will"

___

Jinsol's birthday was tomorrow and she was a mess, she decided to bake her her favorite cupcakes and had somehow fucked the recipe twice now, she knew it was the nerves but it was kind of ridiculous since it was only a birthday party is not like she was suddenly going to confess, she couldn't do that as much as she was considering more and more each passing day, she couldn't possibly ruin Jinsol's day with her feelings. 

It took her three tries for the cupcakes to be perfect and for her to be happy with the results, she really wanted Jinsol to have the best day since that was the least she deserved. 

She had told Jiwoo to help her since she was surprisingly good at decorating pastries so now she was just waiting for her. She also invited her cause she honestly needed advice and Jiwoo was the only one on their group friend that was dating someone. 

Haseul was taking a break when Jiwoo knocked on her door, she felt nervous for some reason, well actually she knew the reason, she was about to pour her heart out for the first time in probably forever.

She led Jiwoo to the kitchen and started to work “look at you, doing all this for out Jindori you really are in love huh?”

Haseul panicked for a second until she realized this was Jiwoo’s opening for her to talk “yeah”

Jiwoo hummed for her to elaborate, this is exactly why she invited Jiwoo, she knew her a lot and knew when she needed to talk and when she just needed to listen.

“I've liked her since the first day I met her but I didn't know I was going to quite literally fall in love with her” Jiwoo was paying attention to her despite the fact that she was also icing the cupcakes, it was cute she thinks about how different things would have been had she fallen in love with either one of her friends.

“why don’t you tell her, you guys are best friends aren’t you?”

“I thought about it but I don't want to put that on her, this might be her fault to be so perfect but they're my feelings and I just can't put her through having to break my heart you know, besides she's already in love with someone else”

“oh right, did she ever tell you who that girl was?”

She didn't exactly want to talk about Jisol’s love but maybe that's what she needed to finally let go “no, she never talks about her, maybe she already knows about my feelings and doesn't want to hurt me talking about her”

“have you ever thought about how maybe, just maybe that girl is you?”

“there’s no way that’s possible, I'm just me why would anyone want me?”

Jiwoo stopped doing what she was doing and instead look at Haseul, she put her hands on her shoulders forcing her to look at her. “you’re incredible Haseul, you’re caring and nice and so very nice, you always think about others making sure they're ok and happy, you're also so beautiful you can brighten the day with just a smile and I've seen the way Jinsol looks at you. I had a crush on you when we first met but i knew that wasn't happening because you looked at Jinsol like she was everything I've seen you look at her that way since the beginning and I've also seen her start to look at you the same way”

Haseul was frozen once again, she didn't expect any of what Jiwoo had told her, she had a crush on her and she didn't realize it but then again never had ever liked her before so how was she supposed to know, but Jinsol could she believe Jiwoo, she’s never lied before so why would she do it now. 

“Listen, she’s in love with you too, I promise”

They didn’t talk more about it and instead put music and finished decorating in silence, she still couldn’t believe Jiwoo but she couldn’t tell her that. After all, her insecurities still got the best of her and she couldn’t believe someone like Jinsol would have fallen in love with her. 

Haseul decided to forget a little about her feelings and focus on Jinsol for her birthday, it was her day after all and she was going to be the main focus despite the fact that the only thing her heart wanted was to dwell on the fact that she fell in love with her best friend and could probably fuck up the best thing that ever happens to her because of those feelings.

After spending the entire morning trying to convince herself to just focus on Jinsol she went to her dorm with her gifts on one hand and the cupcakes on the other. Jinsol’s smile when she opened the door was the best thing of her day and she would treasure it forever as one of the reminders of how she was able to make the girl happy despite everything. 

She entered the dorm only to find that she was the only one in there, she looked at her phone and saw that she was on time, she was even 10 minutes late to the hour they said they’d go.

“where are the girls?” she asked looking at Jinsol, she just now notice how fidgety the girl was, avoiding looking her in the eyes and instead focusing on the gifts she had gotten.

Jinsol didn't answer and instead opened her gifts, Haseul thought that maybe it was her birthday since the smile Jinsol gave her once she saw the content inside was the best gift she could have ever gotten. The girl didn't say anything and instead went closer to Haseul and gave her a hug, she barely was able to put her hands on the girl’s back when she took a step back and took her face on her hands. Haseul felt her face getting warmer and her heart going so fast she was sure Jinsol could hear it.

“be my girlfriend?”

Wait what?, Haseul was panicking not understanding what was happening, she took a step back and looked at Jinsol with confusion written all over her “what?”

Now she could see Jinsol starting to panic and she wasn't sure how to comfort her since she was still in a state of shook maybe Jinsol had a fever again and was hallucinating or maybe she was the one hallucinating, either way, there was no way she heard Jinsol right.

“did I read this wrong?” Haseul was still confused and she swears that makes Jinsol even more nervous “do you not like me? we went to all those dates I thought you liked me, god I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything I was so sure we were a thing and maybe…”

“dates?” 

Jinsol seemed to have finally noticed her shocked state since she got closer again and made her look at her “are you ok? I’m sorry about asking, you can forget about it if you want”

“you like me?” Haseul asked now, she was trying to understand what was happening but with the loudness of her heart and how fast Jinsol was talking she couldn’t.

“wait you didn’t know?” Haseul just shook her head, still very much confused “I'm in love with you Haseul”

God, this was everything Haseul ever wanted to hear it but it was so sudden, so unreal she didn’t know how to react, maybe Jiwoo was right or maybe she was just blind because by the way Jinsol said it it was like the most obvious thing in the world to her.

“you’re joking, right? you said you were in love with someone already, and I've been trying to not think too much about what you do and how you drive me crazy and you’re saying you’re in love…”

“You can be really frustrating sometimes you know?”

She didn't have time to react cause Jinsol was now inches away from her, she could feel her breathing on her lips and she tries to search for a sign on her eyes that told her this was a joke but she couldn't find anything, maybe she was in fact just blinded with insecurities cause she could see it now, she could feel it in the way Jinsol put her hands on her waist and in the way they couldn't stop getting impossible closer

“you’re in love with me,” Haseul said it now as a fact and she saw Jinsol smiling at her, nodding making their noses brush as a reminder of how close they were.

“I'm going to kiss you ok?”

Kissing Jinsol was everything she thought it would be and more, she was so soft and gentle, pulling her impossibly close they explored each other’s lips, Jinsol took both her hands and guided them around her neck making her hyper-aware about how this was happening, she was kissing Jinsol, after daydreaming about it so many times it was finally happening. She couldn't help but smile into the kiss making Jinsol smile with her they rested their foreheads together Haseul trying to control her breathing she had her eyes closed, she didn't want to open them in case this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up if that was the case.

“I love you” Haseul finally opened her eyes to stare right into Jinsol’s, her heart felt so so full she never thought she could feel this way, Jinsol sounded so sincere she left no space for doubts anymore.

“I love you too”

“I know, I've known for a while, which is why I was so scared when you panicked earlier I thought you knew too” 

Haseul couldn’t stop the blush on her face, it looks like she was the only one that didn't know about this and it made her feel dumb.

“be my girlfriend?” Jinsol asked again, looking so hopeful Haseul felt sad she ruined this the first time she asked.

“Nothing would make me happier”

___

“You really didn't know I was in love with you?”

They were laying in bed, it was their first month anniversary and they decided to stay in bed the entire day, just enjoying each other’s presence. They’ve asked their roommates if they could switch dorm a week ago, they both agreed since the new couple would sleep together most days and it would be more convenient for them not having to deal with the two of them. 

“you’re never letting that go are you?”

Jinsol just laughed and sat on top of Haseul “mmm nope” she said kissing her softly, taking Haseul’s breath away like she did with their very first kiss. “I was so obvious tho”

“listen I was just oblivious”

“is ok I still love you, even if you almost gave me a heart attack that day”

Haseul pushed on Jinsol’s shoulder softly for making fun of her and JInsol just laughed placing kissed all over Haseul’s face and neck while tickling her softly making Haseul laugh out loud.

Maybe it had taken longer than it was needed but they got there, they were happy and so in love, Haseul knows she should have seen it before but at least she could see it now, the love on Jinsol’s eyes every time she looked at her and looking back, she had seen it before, plenty of times actually she just didn't know what it meant, she blamed it on her lack of experience but maybe she just wasn’t ready then, to give her heart away for Jinsol to do whatever she wanted with it. But she was ready now, for whatever the future brought as long as she was with Jinsol, she was ready for everything. 

**Author's Note:**

> feedback, as always, is greatly appreciated  
[twitter](https://twitter.com/ethereal_dejavu)


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